Jeff’s Christmas Letter 2009

Christmas 2009

Dear Family and Friends,

Merry Christmas and Happy New Years! Usually Kim writes our Christmas letter, but we thought I could give it a try this year. During our time in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, our hearts were being led from a life in school world to a life in church world. Over a few years, we were becoming more and more eager to plant a new church. And then, oddly enough, in the summer of 2007, the Lord very obviously led us to Nashville to help with a school.

During the two years at Pioneer Christian, we learned a lot, met some wonderful people, and developed a heart for the families in the area. We went through a very difficult situation with a loving and gracious Father and a bunch of terrific people. Although the school closed in May 2009, our time at Pioneer was in many ways a beautiful time in our life as a family. And now for the last few months, we have been laying the groundwork for planting a new church on our side of Nashville. We’re looking forward to seeing what the Father has in store for North Hills Church. Long term, our desire is to encourage and support a growing network of new churches in our area. We’re grateful that the Father has invited us on this adventure, and it’s been encouraging to watch Him provide for us in every way.

We’re home schooling this year, and it’s definitely improved our unity and our conflict management skills. I’m incredibly thankful that I have been able to spend so much time around my family. Jesse is a compassionate, magnetic leader, a champion for the outcast and the forgotten. Jonah is a creative designer who believes firmly that what the world needs is more and better parties. Jake is an artistic lover of nature with tremendous insight into the world around him. Julia is a beautiful package of pure energy. She has the gift of gumption. Jeremiah is all brightness and joy, and he conquers everything around him with smiles and hugs.

Kim amazes me. Everything about her is touched with the grace of authenticity. Her awareness of her Abba’s love can be almost overpowering at times. As for me, I’m still becoming Jeff, becoming more and more grateful, becoming more open and aware.

If you’d like to keep in touch, Kim and I are both on Facebook. Kim writes a blog at
http://lovegracepeace.wordpress.com. I’ll be starting a North Hills Church blog soon. Our emails are darnell.jeff@gmail.com and lovegracepeace@gmail.com.

May you see your self and those around you through the eyes of your Father.

Grace and Peace,
Jeff

Need or Greed?

Last weekend, I was in the Sam’s/Walmart parking lot when I was flagged down by a woman walking around the parking lot. I had not parked yet, and I was in the middle of one of the rows when she motioned for me to roll down my window so that she could talk to me. I only rolled it down a few inches because I am extremely wary of people approaching me in parking lots…I’ve probably seen too many crimes shows on TV which has definitely contributed to my scaredy-cat mentality.

This woman told me she needed money to go to the grocery store Kroger, which is several minutes away. I told her that I would go with her into Sam’s and buy her some groceries. She told me it was too expensive and repeated her request for money. I again told her I would buy her some food from Sam’s. Again, she told me she wanted to go to Kroger, and so I told her we could go next door to Walmart and get her some food. She once again refused my offer, telling me she wanted money to get food at Kroger. I looked into her eyes and said to her, “I’m not giving you any money.” She waved me off and walked away.

I’ve been conned before. Several years ago, I was in a park with my kids, and I was approached by a man who said his two ton white truck had run out of gas. I gave him $6, which was all I had. He said it wasn’t enough money to put gas in his truck. I guess he thought I was going to be able to give him more money. I later found out I was conned because the same man used the same story on a friend of mine a few weeks later. I think my friend gave him money and lemonade. I don’t really regret giving this man money, but I’m sure it didn’t help him any…not really. My friend’s lemonade was probably more helpful than any amount of money either of us could give him.

On many occasions, Jeff’s dad has offered odd jobs to men standing on the side of the road holding their signs, “Will work for food.” Sadly, not ONE time did one of these men take him up on his offer to come cut wood for food. I know that there are many needy people out there…people who truly need food and shelter and clothing, but they may not be the ones that you see on the side of the road waving signs and collecting money.

My brother-in-law works at the Nashville Rescue Mission, and the mission never gives out money for obvious reasons. But they do offer men food and a bed and a chance to get help and also a chance to hear about the love of Christ. Some walk away because they don’t want what the mission is offering. Sadly, they often don’t realize that their need is greater than food or money.

Last Saturday in the parking lot, I was really thinking about what would be the best way to help that woman. Honestly, it would have been easier to ignore her completely, pretend she didn’t exist and go on about my day. Or, I could have handed her $10, and it would have made me feel pretty good about myself, but I still wouldn’t have had to really engage with her. I have walked through Walmart before with a man and bought that man a little bit of food. That was extremely uncomfortable and weird and more than a little scary and cost me something. I wasn’t particularly looking forward to doing it again. But it’s not really about me…

So, need or greed? It doesn’t really matter. For me, that’s what Matthew 10 means when it says “This is a large work I’ve called you into, but don’t be overwhelmed by it. It’s best to start small. Give a cool cup of water to someone who is thirsty.”

Hope Found

It’s been a tough three years. Before we moved to Nashville, Jeff and I walked through a really rough time in our marriage. And then when we moved to Nashville, we walked into a school (Pioneer…see Does Jesus Care About a School? parts 1 and 2) that was in the process of a slow death and was so full of legalism that we felt like we’d been shot back in time about 10 years. Then, after all the good but difficult changes that Jeff made in the first year at Pioneer, we walked into the second year there, and because of the recession we didn’t have enough students. So every month, we didn’t know how the teachers and the bills were going to be paid. We tried many different ways to keep the school open and spent hours praying for a miracle. I found myself often putting my hope in some mystery person who was going to walk in and save the day and the school, and it didn’t happen. But in the middle of it all, Abba kept telling me that He is a God of hope, no matter what happened. And even though the school ended up closing, I began to really believe that He truly is my Hope no matter what happens with schools and situations and people.

But this summer I struggled with a lot of different things…I grieved about Pioneer closing. And I worried about what we would do about school for our children (we are currently home schooling) and then I worried about how we were going to be able to survive financially.

At one point, I became angry and fearful because I was hoping my life would be more secure…more comfortable…enough money to do what I wanted to do. I didn’t want to have to trust every day that He would provide. I didn’t want to have to even think about it. I just wanted to live my life the way I wanted to and not really depend on Abba moment by moment.

I remember hearing the story about George Mueller, who ran an orphanage, and how they would sit down to breakfast, and there would be nothing to eat, and they would pray and thank God for the food that He was going to provide, and then a milk truck would break down on the street in front of their door. This kind of crazy stuff happened a lot for them. They rarely seemed to have what they needed before they needed it. They always got enough right when the need arose. And that made me frustrated that we might have to live that way. I was fearful that my family might not have enough.

But in the middle of all this fear, Abba brought the verse to mind in I Timothy that says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” Fear always seems to push the other three out…the power, the love and the sound mind…they just seem to vanish because fear paralyzes us. No wonder “Do Not Fear” is the most often repeated command in the Bible.

I really wrestled with this. At one point, I’m not even really sure when, I threw up my hands and finally accepted whatever it was He had for me and my family. There are still fearful days, but I’m learning to hold my hands palms up and receive what comes from Him. I am learning to trust…not in my ability to be frugal, not in a job, not in my husband, not in a school, not in the church…just Him.

So here’s our modern day George Mueller story…a few months ago, one of the Nashville transit buses bumped into the back of our van while Jeff was sitting at a red light. Thankfully, Jeff wasn’t hurt at all. It messed up our bumper a little more than it already was (it already had a dent in it) but did very minimal damage. So, right when our need arose, we got a check in the mail with Jeff’s name on it. The Nashville transit bus just turned out to be one of our crazy milk trucks.

So, Jeff and I are in the middle of doing a church plant in North Nashville. Jeff has a pastor’s heart, but Jeff and I are not church planters…This is one of those weird God-things. The desire to unearth this community called North Hills Church is totally from Him. And then I ran across this a few weeks ago…

Go the lost and confused people right here in the neighborhood.
Tell them that the kingdom is here…Don’t think you have to put
on a fund-raising campaign before you start. You don’t need a
lot of equipment. You are the equipment, and all you need to
keep that going is three meals a day. Travel light. (Matthew 10)

Some days these verses feel totally overwhelming and insane. But Isaiah 43 says, “when you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you. When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down. When you’re between a rock and a hard place, it won’t be a dead end-”

Everything always comes back to Him…Jesus was sent so that we could have hope…not in money, not in jobs, not in situations, not in people, not in schools, not in churches…He came so that He could BE our Hope.

And What Was the Reason for the Season Again?

 

We, too, don’t realize what we have. Just like 2,000 years ago when Jesus came into the world, people were too busy and too frazzled and too worried about governments and taxes and being in the right place at the right time to realize what had come…God in skin and flesh and bone.

 

We’ve lost the meaning of Christmas in the same way that the little town of Bethlehem never had it. We’ve lost sight of Christ and replaced Him with shopping and Christmas cards and trees and lights and cantatas about Him and a whole multitude of other things that ultimately don’t amount to much.

 

Yesterday, as I was folding laundry and listening to Christmas music and trying to hear Him, hoping, praying He would give me a word, give me some relief in my struggle to see Him clearly…it was then when I realized I’d gotten really cluttered, and that I hadn’t heard from Him in a while…at least I don’t think I have. But, honestly, when I don’t seem to see Him, it’s because I’m not really looking. And I haven’t really been looking lately…even though this is the season we’re supposed to notice Him the most.

 

And then it hit me that every Christmas ends up being the same…as much as I vow that each Christmas season will be different from the last, that I won’t be busy doing pointless things…but that Christmas for me will be about focusing on Christ and who He is and about family hanging out and merging those two together. But somehow, I veer from this each year and always end up doing the something that has to be done…the something that has to be planned…there always seems to be that some thing that seems so important at the time.

 

This year, I haven’t really been bustling about at the last minute…ok, well, not as much as usual…all the gifts were bought a few weeks back. This year, I have done better with the whole gift thing. I think I finally came to the conclusion that there is no perfect gift for everyone, and that that’s ok.

 

But even though I wasn’t out buying gifts, this year’s low for me was sitting in the Sam’s Club parking lot a couple days ago folding and stuffing pictures and Christmas letters inside envelopes for over an hour and asking myself the whole time why I was even going to all this trouble three days before Christmas, why I was spending this time away from my family and questioning where Jesus was in the middle of this…I had managed to squeeze Him into a few lines in my Christmas brag letter about how His grace had once again been very real in my life and how I wouldn’t have made it without Him this year…but then…were those just words?  

 

I certainly don’t stand in judgment of a certain innkeeper who didn’t have any room in his inn because I’m afraid I’m that same innkeeper, and I too have somehow managed to not have room for Jesus as well. But, maybe I’m even worse than that notorious innkeeper because I’ve actually invited Jesus in, only to push Him out later when things get a little crazy.

 

But today was when His grace reached down and His mercy once again overwhelmed me and I got why He came in the first place. He sneaked up on me, and then I realized just how much I missed Him. He is home for me, and when I fail to see Him, to really see Him…is when I feel the most lost. But I’m not lost and I’m not alone…ever.

 

I just want to get it though…really get it…get it in the way that the shepherds and wise men got it…to realize that His sacrifice wasn’t just in dying…it was in coming to earth to be one of us…