Hands Wide Open

I’ve been gone. Away. Not Here. Please Do Not Disturb.

I had lapses of faith this winter. I had questions of “Why are we in this situation?” and “Where is God in all of this?”.  Questions that I know other people contemplate but maybe don’t admit to others. Perhaps not even to themselves. I tried desperately to get over it, to mask my restlessness by reading one more book, watching one more movie, walking one more mile. It didn’t work.

In this process of my restless questioning, I hit the pause button on faith, hope, and love. I became kind of a hermit, did not want to see all that many people, realized that I didn’t really have all that much to offer anyone (not that anyone was expecting anything out of me).  But who wants to be around someone whose cup is empty most of the time? And all I had was resentment and bitterness. About a lot of things.

My downward spiral began when I started focusing on things that were beyond my control. But the lie was that I could control them. The enemy is sneaky in that way. I believed that I could make my own way and do my own thing and be okay, be better actually.  I soon lost hope and began to despair. Faith and love quickly fled out the back door as well. And some might question if they were really true in the first place if they can leave so easily. Maybe. Maybe not. I just know I was dry and brittle inside. And when I wasn’t angry, I was numb.

I don’t know what triggered release from all of that. If there is one moment or many moments of realization that draw a person back to God, to reality.  Or if my fingers had to be pried open from the idea of control I had grasped onto. I just know a few things happened to me lately that made me gaze up instead of in.

I recently saw an old friend. And she looked so beautiful…and I realized I wanted what she had. I could see it in her eyes. I could hear it in her story. And it’s what I’d been missing but had so desperately needed. And it’s something no medication of any kind will ever bring. Peace…The kind that goes beyond human comprehension…The kind that when the situation looks its darkest, there is still that. And, I realize  it’s not something I can strive for or buy or grasp at. It’s something I receive when everything else falls away. When hands are held up, not in despair, but in gratitude and release.

A while back, Jeff couldn’t sleep one night, and he felt like the Holy Spirit was giving him a word for me and for each of our children…the things that we needed. And the word for me was, “IT will be there.” At the time, I assumed that the IT was money, because that always seemed to be the most pressing need, the thing that I worried about the most, and for some reason, I always seemed to think that money would solve the problem and be the answer, even though I never would say that out loud. Convinced that money was the IT that the Holy Spirit was talking about, I was confused and resentful when the money wasn’t always there when we needed it.

But money wasn’t the IT at all. I didn’t realize that until a good deal later that the IT was peace. “Peace will be there.” And that no matter what happened to me or my family or my friends or my belongings, now or in the future, peace can always be there.

For me, peace is like letting go and twirling in a field on a sunny day with wildflowers all about, face looking up to a cloudless sky with hands and arms that are held out that go higher and higher and become lighter and lighter until I feel like I could touch the face of Abba. And laughter, of course…wild, silly, hopeful laughter.

All Being Equal

I really like to camp. I love the family time and being around the campfire eating good food and the talking and the hiking and the camping equipment. I like everything about it (well, except for the packing up, maybe). I recently found myself in a Coleman store filled with camping “must-haves,” and I lost myself for a while.

A few weeks back, we went camping with some friends. During this trip, I realized something about myself. It was like a voice, not necessarily God’s, but I don’t discount it, because I heard truth. In my head I heard, “You’re not as laid back as you think you are, or as much as you would have people believe.” And I realized that I have not been honest with myself or with others about the persona I sometimes portray.

During this trip, my friend talked about one of her relatives being like “whatever” about everything. Her description of this person gave me clarity about who I’m not, realizing that I’m not totally relaxed about everything like I would like to think I am. And that that’s ok. And that in realizing this about myself, that I have expected that in others and that I need to cut people some slack, especially those closest to me.

Because heaven help Jeff if he takes a tone with me or is not as relaxed as I think he should be. And my seemingly favorite words to a couple of my kids are, “Chill out” or “Relax already.” The irony being that at the moment these words are uttered through gritted teeth, I myself am neither chilled nor relaxed. I happened to catch myself saying this just a few minutes ago to the one who looks a lot like me.

And that’s where the problem lies…thinking others should be as relaxed as I think I am…

I lost my keys the other day for a few minutes. I have a habit of laying things down places and not having any idea of where I’ve put them. But when I use to lose stuff, it would make me angry, and I would have these outbursts of rage, unable to believe that I had actually lost something, meaning that someone else must have taken the thing and put it where I couldn’t find it.

After I located my keys, Jeff complimented me by saying that I didn’t rage nearly as often as I used to. And I commented that I never did do it very much. However, he kindly refuted my statement about myself by saying, “Oh, no, you used to do it every couple of weeks.” I had to chuckle because I think he’s right; he remembers these outbursts well because they were so over the top and apparently because they occurred more often than I recalled.

So rather than pretend I’m a totally relaxed, fly by the seat of my pants type of person or try to be this “whatever” type of person, I need to embrace who Abba has created me to be. Not perfect, not altogether laid-back, but not exactly uptight either about most things. Just me, trying to be grateful for the people gifts Abba put in my life, embracing them and allowing them to be who they are and realizing that one type of person is not better than another.

The Real Super Power

It’s the middle of the night, and I really should be sleeping now.  My lack of sleep will cost me dearly. But right now, I don’t care. The little girl inside me can’t stop jumping up and down because of Jesus. If the almost forty year old woman that houses the little girl attempts to jump and keep up, she might sprain an ankle, so writing is where it now manifests itself. (But, please by all means, continue to picture the little girl jumping and twirling because that’s what I’m really doing in my spirit).

Remembering and sharing…that’s what I’ve been doing the last few days. We have a sort of family reunion/Kuzin Kamp for the kids, and the unique thing about Jeff’s extended family is that many profess to be believers, which is an amazing thing. I realize what  a gift this is when I talk to friends who have very little family who are believers. So we get to share for three days about what God’s been doing in our lives for the last year.

But along with this remembering and sharing, Abba has revealed a couple things to me in the past few days. First, that I like to surround myself with people who are similar to me and have the same faith I do. (that’s why church can be such a crutch for me…I feel important there, and it’s not supposed to be about me; it’s supposed to be about Him) I get my “God talk” there and feel no real need beyond that to share anywhere else . Second, that I have a hard time reaching out to people who are not believers because of my fear of rejection and not wanting to be presumptuous. And the combination of those two things has left me paralyzed.  I don’t want to presume on people’s time, and I can’t face them anyway because of the lies I’ve believed about myself. Sadly, it has left me voiceless to those who need Christ so badly.

 I recently read the fiction book, A Voice in the Wind by Francine Rivers, which took place in Roman times, but applies a great deal to how we live here and now.

We must remember we are not called upon by God to make society a better place to live. We are not called upon to gain political influence, nor to preserve the Roman [American]way of life. God has called us to a higher mission, that of bringing to all mankind the Good News that our Redeemer has come…” (341)

Honestly, I have done very little of this. I have this Message of freedom, and I see so many around me in bondage, and I’ve failed to attach myself in relationships and tell of this freedom in Christ. However, I don’t look at myself with condemnation or judgment or shame or strive in my own flesh to knock down people’s doors and become the neighborhood menace, because that’s not done in relationship. It’s not about guilt or fear or shame or about doing better. It’s not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength that God gives that allows you to endure the unendurable. (Col. 1) It’s about listening and following Him and where He leads. It’s allowing people to look into our lives and the Spirit revealing Jesus’ power to heal and save.

Thankfully, God looks at me and sees Jesus and His righteousness. I am worthy because He makes me worthy.Which makes my spirit leap inside me (hence the jumping up and down/writing) Which, in turn, makes me want to know Him better. I’ve seen His power in my own life…power to free me from pits that I had no hope of ever getting out of in my own strength, power to love people I had no power to love, power to provide when there was nothing, and I’ve barely scratched the surface.  But when people begin to see His power and His love and not just Jesus talk (although that certainly has its place) but actual living proof of who Jesus is and what He can do in people’s lives, then that not only becomes worth living for but also worth dying for.

God’s Way is not a matter of mere talk; it’s an empowered life. (I Cor. 4:18, MSG)

seeing past the bedroll

Jesus healed a man on the Sabbath, a man who had been crippled for 38 years. This man had been waiting by the pool at Bethesda for the angel to heal him. But he had no one to put him into the water. So he waited, alone.

Jesus passed by one day and told the crippled man, “Pick up your mat and start walking.” And he did.

Some of the Jews happened to see this healed man walking around with his bedroll on the Sabbath. And they scolded him because he wasn’t following  the lengthy list of rules that they had concocted of what could and couldn’t be done on the Sabbath (ie. not carrying your bedroll around).

They weren’t happy that this man, who had suffered his whole life, could now walk. They didn’t care that this man had been waiting at the pool alone.  They were only interested in everyone following their rules and their agendas because, in their minds, that’s what made them and everyone else good with God, or at the very least, good with them.

So they looked past the healing that had taken place in this man and saw only the bedroll that he was carrying around and the rules he was breaking.

And this is what Jesus says to them, “You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life…But I know that you do not have the love of God within you.”

Jesus knew that they didn’t really know God because of their lack of love…their lack of care for those around them.

But I realize that seeing only the bedroll,  isn’t just about religious rules that  people try to inflict on each other, it’s about a lack of compassion that encompasses a whole host of things, such as my own need to be right which leads me to compare myself with others and ends in a judgmental, critical spirit that pervades everything at times.

Isn’t everything you have and everything you are sheer gifts from God? So what’s the point of all this comparing and competing?   (I Cor. 4, MSG)

In the Gospels, when Jesus saw the people around Him,  He was often ”moved with compassion.” He realized they were sheep without a shepherd…broken, lonely and desperate for His healing touch.

Jesus understood people’s hearts and motives and loved them, and His love changed them. It still does. 

For me, seeing past the bedroll is about compassion…loving the people around me right where they are, not trying to fix them or change them or judge them. And realizing, too, that they are gifts Abba has so generously given me.

recalculating

A couple Christmases ago, Jeff got me a GPS. I think it was one of the best gifts ever for me. I am directionally challenged, and I lack map skills, and driving around Nashville in traffic with Google maps was just not safe for me and anyone driving near me.

I have to admit, I’m a little nuts about my GPS. So, Jeff and Jesse recently messed with it. On purpose. Each time I got into the van, they had changed something on it. I’m a little slow…But when the GPS woman started speaking in Mandarin Chinese,  I finally figured out that the buttons hadn’t been pushed accidentally.

They thought this was funny and were secretly laughing behind my back. For days.

It seems, though, that following directions is not my strong suit either. When the GPS woman says, “Turn now,” I sometimes don’t, and when she announces the street names, I still miss them.  So my favorite feature is when she says, “Recalculating…recalculating…recalculating. ” It could just be me, but after a while, she almost seems a little angry that she has to say it so often.

Abba has a way of recalculating life for us too. We set out on a plan, the way we think our lives should go. And then He steps in and messes up our well laid-out plans, and some of us secretly think to ourselves, “How dare He.”

Our family has been in the process of having our lives recalculated for a while now, and at times it’s painful and scary, and it often looks a little absurd. Some days I’m up for it, and some days I just want to go my own way… live a life of comfort and safety…a life that doesn’t require too much of me or out of me. 

And then I look at Scripture, and I look at the life that Jesus led and realize I don’t have that option. Not really.

When the people came out to see John the Baptist in the wilderness, he shocked them by calling them “Brood of snakes.” Because John knew their hearts and their motives, and he knew they were coming only for the show everyone was talking about. John told them that their lives must change. Their response to his name calling, “What should we do?” He said,”If you have two coats give one away;  do the same with your food.”

Really? That’s it? That’s the changed life that John was talking about?

I read Scripture, and all of a sudden I see it all over the place. This is real love in action….no longer just words. It’s hearing the Word and doing it. And it has to encompass everyday life.

The early church got it. And people noticed. Because the thing that set the early church apart was their shared life.  They shared their food; they shared their possessions; they shared their lives. And their shared lives and love for each other amazed the people around them.

But people can share life, and there still be no real life in it. So there had to be more. The real difference in their lives? Jesus.  They weren’t just talking about Jesus; they were following Jesus and listening to the Holy Spirit and what He told them to do. 

The early church realized that the kingdom and kingdom living were more important than anything else. And the people around them came to Jesus by the thousands.

As I look at my life, I wonder if others see Jesus even a little bit or am I busy only talking about Him? Do they see love and real life and not just another person grabbing for what she thinks will make her happy? So, this brings me to a recalculation of what is important and what I’m realizing is not.

Take care of My sheep. That’s what Jesus told Peter. I think it’s as simple as that.

I’m called to this life of love. And it’s not the love that syrupy songs are written about. It’s a life of sacrifice, of inconvenience, of risk, of insecurity, of suffering, of waiting, of hands wide open…of receiving but also of letting go, of contentment, of gratefulness in everything. It’s the Jesus life and settling for anything less will always come up short.

“If you don’t go all the way with me, through thick and thin, you don’t deserve me. If your first concern is to look after yourself, you’ll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you’ll find both yourself and me.  (Matthew 10)

too old to sled…

With all the snow we got this winter, we went sledding on a hill near our house. The second time we went, it was very cold and the snow had turned icy.

We have two sleds, so it takes a while for all seven of us to get a turn. A couple of my kids went down, and then Jeremiah and I got on our long blue sled and went down together, like we had done the day before.

I knew as soon as we pushed off that I was sitting up too high in the sled.  And, due to the ice,  the sled was going faster than it had the day before. I knew we might be in trouble, but I didn’t have time to ”right” myself.

I usually laugh all the way down the hill, but when we hit the first bump, I quit laughing because I knew the inevitable was about to happen.  We hit the second bump, and Jeremiah and I went flying off the sled. I tried not to land on top of Jeremiah, so I stopped myself and landed on my hand.

I don’t do so well with pain.  I don’t know how in the world I gave birth to five kids, even with drugs. Because, I can stub my toe really badly and feel like I’m going to throw up. So when I landed on my hand, I laid in the snow for a long time and focused on not throwing up.  

Jeremiah immediately jumped up and looked at me and said he wanted to go home. I just nodded at him. Jeff thought I was ok at first and waited for me to bust out in laughter.  He kept calling my name from the top of the hill, but I couldn’t answer because I really thought I might pass out or throw up or something.

So I just laid there in the snow until Jeff came down the hill.  When Jeff reached me, he said he would pull me back to the car in the sled.  But I declined and said I could walk.  I mean, there were people standing at the top of the hill, and I’m not that much of a baby. Geesh.

However, I should have taken him up on his offer because every few steps I would get lightheaded and feel like I was going to throw up all over again, so I would lie back down in the snow, kind of like a slow collapse.  We had 50 steps or more to get to the car.  So it took awhile. Step. Step. Step. Collapse back down in the snow until the lightheadedness and urge to throw up subsided. Step. Step. Step. Lie down in the snow.

We eventually got back to the car and got home. I couldn’t move my hand, and my wrist looked broken or at least out of place. I was all pale and lying gingerly on the couch, moaning in pain.

So Jeff took me to the emergency room to have a few x-rays, to find out not only was it not broken, but that there was nothing they could even do even if it was.  But that’s a whole other thing about our broken health care system and the absurb amount of money that they now want for doing next to nothing. (note to self: never go near an ER ever again.)

My wrist and hand are somewhat better now (it’s been 3 months), but I’m thinking I might have to forego sledding in the future if I want my body to remain intact for the long haul.

Actually, the RN at the hospital said I couldn’t sled anymore. I didn’t bother to clarify with her…Did she mean just the rest of this winter or forever?

I’ve always been spastic and prone to injury, so it’s no surprise that I would hurt myself, and I inherited my dad’s pain tolerance, not my mother’s. Although I don’t think my dad feels like throwing everytime he hurts himself.

Unfortunately, one of the people who witnessed my whole sledding incident told my neighbor about it the next day when they were out on the hill.

He described it to my neighbor something like this, This girl and her kid went sledding down the hill, and they hit a bump and legs went flying in the air, and they went sprawling across the snow. The kid got up, but she just kept lying in the snow. Her husband called her name several times, and she didn’t answer. So he went down to see if she was ok. He helped her up, but then a few minutes later, she fell back down in the snow.  After every very few steps, she would slump back down and lay with her face in the snow.  It looked really bad.

Which you’d think from how I was acting, it was really bad.  But nope, I just hurt my hand.

If anyone ever tries to hurt or torture me (too much Criminal Minds), that person will definitely have some surprises coming his way…

Living on a Prayer (the dark side)

I woke up several hours ago (that’s what I get for going to bed at 9:00), thinking and worrying about things I have no control over.

Some days, I just want to throw in the towel…it’s just too hard…too difficult to walk the path He’s called me to. I don’t want to live by prayer and faith. I want things to come easy. I don’t want everything to be a struggle all the time.

But instead of going to the One who can help me shed my worries and my fears, I try to procure my own peace by escaping.

The result?

It’s not pretty. And there’s no peace to be had. Just more uncertainty and yuck.

As I sit here with tears pouring down my face, I begin to cry out to my Abba. For He alone is the One I can run to.

And He draws my attention to the small blessings He’s given me in the last few days.

• Red tulips (I saw three at the library, and I was mesmerized,  and it was like Abba said, “You like that? Just wait till you see the dozens at the soccer field.”)
• Watching 2 of my boys playing soccer on the same team with their dad coaching
• Crazy little kids that laugh loud and hard
• Kids playing outside all day long with the neighbor kids
• The date I will have with Jeff tomorrow (well, technically today)
• Sunshine all throughout a day when it was supposed to be rainy and cloudy
• Laundry blowing crazily in the wind
• Yellow air soft BB’s that you can find in the nooks and crannies all over my house
• Songs that make me cry
• Watching Julia as she sword fights with our neighbor, because she’s his “apprentice”
• Kids that go barefoot, now till Thanksgiving (and that’s probably an under-exaggeration)
• Our small family garden that now has potatoes planted, given to us by our neighbors
• Warmer days ahead
• A friend understanding what we’re called to do and lending an encouraging word and help

Many, many more blessings…too many to count.

My ”stuff” isn’t fixed. It’s still there. But somehow it seems smaller, less consuming than it did before.

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down {His peace}. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. (Philippians 4)

Swimming in the Deep End

I was watching a movie the other night about a married couple. The movie was fair, but not great. It did however have an interesting take on things, especially for people who have been married a number of years.

It is true that there are a lot of mundane, non-exciting things that come with marriage…paying bills, picking up after kids, making meals, doing laundry…the tasks can seem endless.  And life can seem a little monotonous. Everyone feels this way at some point. It’s part of being human.

And so the tendency might be to start looking around for things that are exciting and new. That might come in the form of a vacation or another car or another job or another business deal.  But for some, it might involve looking for a new person who will ramp up the excitement in a rather desperate housewife sort of way.

There is no doubt that new relationships can be intense and exciting.

But we’re not supposed to stay there forever. Or to ditch the relationships when they aren’t new and quite as exciting as they once were.

Our society tells us that new is best, and that when something gets old, you replace it. Sadly, we’ve seen that happen even with people.  

So, my take-away from this particular movie was that after the newness and excitement of  the relationship have worn off, whether it be in friendships or in marriage,  then that gives us an opportunity to go deep which takes time and energy and vulnerability and trust.

 Depth is not easy, but it  is where we should be heading in our relationships, not trying to reclaim new.

“I feel so strongly that deep and simple is far more essential than shallow and complex.” – Mr. Rogers

 

Speaking Life and Death

I just recently had a conversation that did not go as well as I had planned.  It actually did not go well at all. I had planned on confronting and speaking the truth in love to a close friend of mine over some things that I saw in her and some things that I was offended about.  I really wanted to handle things the right way. And I originally went into the conversation with that intention in mind but found that in the middle of it all, I couldn’t handle what was being said about me, and it got ugly fast.  Jeff tells me just because I feel it doesn’t mean I have to say it. But I kind of do. However, I need to be careful how and what I say, for sure, and as in this case, I needed to “shut it” long before I did.

But, for so long, I was unwilling to reveal to anyone what offended me. I would just bury the offense and slink away from the offender instead of dealing with it and talking about it. And then the relationship was broken anyway, because I refused to handle it, and resentment festered. So, it has taken courage for me to be able to say what I feel needs to be said for the relationship to be mended. But I need to be gentle in how I say it and not get offended when things are said about me and it doesn’t go as it was originally planned, which it very often does not.

So, in this particular conversation with my friend, I just ran off at the mouth and hit below the belt, and I’m close enough to this person to know where it would hurt the most, and so I targeted my very harsh words and aimed straight for her heart. I was in the middle of saying something when my phone AND her phone cut off at exactly the same time. We both had to recharge our phones and thankfully couldn’t continue the conversation…one of those God-things.

She later apologized over an e-mail for what she had said. But I just wasn’t there yet. I knew I would eventually apologize, but I wasn’t going to fake it.

I didn’t end up apologizing to my friend for a few days. I was still kind of holding onto some things that had been said. And I was really trying to sift through and pray about what she said that was truth and what she had said just to hurt me.  

That weekend, we had a family reunion with Jeff’s family, and Jeff’s aunts have a time called Kuzin’ Kamp for all of the kids. The kids spend a couple nights at one of his aunt’s houses, and Jeff’s aunts do Bible lessons and crafts with the kids, and the kids get to swim. Jeff has a rather large extended family, so there are quite a few kids milling around that need supervision.

I was helping one of Jeff’s cousins with the preschool children, and she was teaching a Bible lesson about what we are to do with different parts of our body, and the very first day her lesson happened to be on how we are to use our mouths. Seriously? ”Ok, Abba, I get it already.”  I knew immediately that the Bible lesson was not only for those pre-school age children but was especially for me. Abba loves me so much that He’s going to make me deal with the junk in my heart and not let it weigh me down unnecessarily.

This cousin talked about how we often use ”life” words and “death” words and how we can use our words to build each other up or tear each other down. And then, she used blocks to demonstrate her lesson.  She started saying all these life words like “I like you” and “You do that so well,” and each time she did, she starting building a tower with blocks. And then she used death words like ”I hate you” and  ”You’re ugly” and as she did, she knocked those blocks across the floor. And as I watched those blocks tumble across the floor, I realized what I had done to the friend that I had the fight with. I had spoken death to her.

It took blocks and a preschool lesson for me to get it, but I heard it loud and clear.

I apologized to my friend as soon as I got the chance. And, thankfully, my relationship with my friend has been reconciled and restored.

I have often found myself praying that Abba would put a muzzle over my mouth and not just when the wicked are around like in Psalm 39 but all the time. In Psalm 19, it says, Keep me from stupid sins. May the words of my mouth…be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” It’s just not true. Our words have a long-lasting effect that, unfortunately, cannot easily be forgotten.

…but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God.  James 3:8-9

Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD;
       keep watch over the door of my lips. Psalm 141:3

Such a Kim Thing (part 3)

We are now a two cat family, thanks to me. I never intended on having one cat, much less two. I’m not much of an indoor animal kind of person, and our first cat was meant to be an outdoor cat, but it never happens the way you intend for it to.

So, we’ve had Tigerball (big cat) for about 4 or 5 years now. And he is the cat with all the problems, obsessive licking, scratching, hairballs (Such a Kim Thing), so I really thought he was on his way out…I mean like death, kind of out.

So, to ease my kids’ possible pain, we (ok actually Jeff will not lay claim to any part of this, so it was actually the me of “we”) starting talking about getting a kitten to “replace” Tigerball when he went the way of all living creatures.

So, our neighbors “providentially” found a kitten, probably around 3 weeks old in their ditch a couple months ago, and they gave him to us.

The day after we got the kitten, we noticed that there was this hole near his ear that a “worm” kept sticking its head out of. Gross. Jesse and I tried to get this living organism that kept coming to the surface out of the kitten’s head. After working at it all day, Jesse was able to pull it out with tweezers. It was a whitish color and looked like a larva of some sort. We found out later that it was a fly larva that gets into kittens and rabbits and then drills a whole to the outside so that it can get air. Nasty.

So, we have a cat that is dying, and we have just inherited a very young kitten (Rocky) who already has issues.

Rocky (kitten) now wants Tigerball (big cat) to play and wrestle with him, but Tigerball wants none of it, so we often hear this hissing and fighting and crazy meowing kind of stuff. Seriously? We now have to separate the two cats…I feel like I have two more children who won’t keep their hands off each other.

We leave the house one day, and when we come back, the kitten is now walking on only 3 legs, protectively holding the other leg up in the air. Not sure what happened, but maybe, just maybe Tigerball got tired of the wrestling match that Rocky always started. I failed to mention that I think Rocky believes Tigerball is his mother and tries to routinely nurse Tigerball, who since he is male has no female nurturing, much less nipples. 

 Poor Tigerball. We bring in an ADHD kitten to take his place right before he dies…

Only he’s not dying anymore. He seems to be growing his hair and weight back, and we haven’t seen any hairballs in a while. We think after it’s all said and done, Tigerball may just be an OCD cat who has a flee allergy.

So, now we have 2 cats who fight constantly. And we are so not those crazy cat people. But, then again, I think we actually might be.