This morning I woke up to once again have issues with some of my sinful thought patterns, and then Jesus revealed to me that He died for this sin over 2,000 years ago.  At that moment, Jesus freed me from my thoughts; He once again rescued me and a sense of gratitude and love overtook me.  He not only died for this one sin; He died for ALL my sin: past, present, future. Then I realized that I wanted to fast today, not out of some sense of guilt or pride but rather to go through, in a small way, one of the many things Jesus suffered on the cross…being hungry.

This fasting thing is a stretch for me. I don’t usually deny myself much, but today I really wanted to focus on what Christ had done for me on the cross. I am not fasting to fast; I’m fasting so that every time my stomach cries out for me to eat, I think about Christ and the things He suffered because of His love for me, for all mankind. This has been uncomfortable today; I realized I’m not used to being uncomfortable. Whenever, I’m hungry, I eat.  Philippians 3:10 came to mind,  “That I may know Him, and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His suffering, being made conformable unto His death; “ I want to experience Him, even the fellowship of His suffering.  I have to be honest this has been a really long day for me. I now have great anticipation for what Easter and Christ’s resurrection means. 

I gave up my fast a little over an hour ago. When I realized I had started using my willpower to be able to “make it” and had stopped focusing on Christ but rather the food in my fridge, then it became about me.   When Jesus asked His disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane, “Could you not watch and pray?” it reminds me that my flesh is very weak, and I would have fallen asleep too. I admit weakness; I admit failure. But I am not my failures; I am not my weaknesses; I’m my Abba’s child.


1 Response to “Weakness”

  1. 1 Anna
    March 26, 2008 at 3:46 pm

    this is great to me, I have always wanted to do that (fast) but it really scared me. the idea of not eating scares me. like you said im not used to being uncomfortable. i guess now being prego is not a good time to try it. do you have any ideas of other ways to deny myself to focus on Christ. you know me, so maybe you can help.

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