30
Mar
08

Small Confessions

“The problem …is not how to break the chains–God has already done that–but the willingness to enslave ourselves to Jesus, who sets us free.”

Enslave myself to Jesus who sets me free.  What does surrender actually look like? What happens when I know Jesus is telling me to do something, something for my own good, and I refuse to do it? It seems like He tells me to do weird stuff some times. I think He tells me to do things that He would have done, like helping people He didn’t know.  He tells me to help people I don’t know alot, and sometimes I say, oh God, please not today. It just feels so uncomfortable,  so “holier than thou-ish.” I had this whole attitude last week when He told me to help this lady with her groceries. It’s such a small thing, but I refused to do it.  I even sat in my van and watched her, telling Him how badly my head hurt.  I don’t believe God punishes or grows distant…”If we are unfaithful, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny who He is.”  My selfish stubborn pride is punishment itself.

A couple months ago, I was sitting in the chiropractor’s office, and the Spirit was clearly telling me to get up and help this girl who had a baby on her hip and was pushing a stroller through the door. I was talking on my phone at the time, so I just refused His prompting…well, it turned out to be someone I’m related to…ouch…I actually confessed to this relative right then and there how I had refused the Spirit’s prompting. Maybe helping others isn’t the Spirit’s promptings; maybe these are just small acts of kindness that connect human beings…or not connect, in my case.

It seems like I can come up with 100 different excuses to not help someone…but it’s really selfishness and a lack of love…not wanting to put myself out there for someone else. I’ve most certainly got bigger issues of selfishness than not holding doors or not helping little old ladies or ignoring my children because I’m busy doing some thing…but at the source of it all is actually my being unwilling to enslave myself to Jesus, by not surrendering, by not yielding, by not holding my palms face up and receiving what He’s offering…Himself…His life lived through me.

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