This morning, I was lying in bed during a thunderstorm, and it occurred to me that none of my children are afraid of thunderstorms at all. They never get up in the middle of the night to come to our room because of a thunderstorm. They always sleep through them, and even when they occur during the day, they are never frightened. Jeff used to tell the older boys when they were little that the wind blowing was God whispering, “I love you.” But thunder was God yelling, “I LOVE YOU!” Now, I don’t know if this is why they are not afraid of thunderstorms, but I think it definitely has helped them view God in a positive way.

My kids aren’t afraid of tornadoes either. In fact, during the last tornado, the one that hit Union University so hard, even though the wind was whipping and there was hail, my children never even woke up. Jeff was downstairs keeping an eye on the weather, and I was trying to drag all 5 of them out of bed to come downstairs. It’s a good thing it passed over us because I couldn’t get any of them to even acknowledge I was there.  

Now, social situations are quite another thing. I have 4 children who cannot stand new situations, especially going to a new church or school.  My two little ones hide behind my legs. Two of the older boys would too if they weren’t already dying of embarrassment. I personally cannot stand being in new social situations, especially large groups of people I don’t know. 

Jeff and I are both teachers, and Jeff especially enjoys getting up in front of people. He sang on ensemble in college and can really ham things up when needed. I, on the other hand, don’t mind getting up in front of people ONLY if I am prepared to do so…no spontaneous, funny stuff for me. I would love to be funny…I’m just not. I look like an awkward deer in headlights. A few months ago, I was at the Ryman for a concert/something, and they were pulling people out of the audience to go up on stage and do skits. Unfortunately, I was sitting on the aisle, and even though I quickly averted my eyes I was one of the five people dragged up on stage to do an impromptu skit in front of 3,000 people. Extroverts don’t seem to understand the kind of terror we introverts go through (or maybe they do) when they put us into these kinds of situations. I was horrified, and it was horrifying…I was not funny…I was supposed to be funny…enter the awkward deer…maybe that’s what’s funny…

So how do thunderstorms, tornadoes, and being in front of people relate to each other? Why do I have one son that doesn’t mind answering questions in class and the other 2 absolutely hate to be called on even if they know the right answer?  Why can my 2nd son get up and act (something that’s been scripted and he’s practiced) but not enter a new Sunday school class with kids his own age? Why aren’t any of my children afraid of thunderstorms or tornadoes? …Maybe it’s a personality thing with them, but then again, maybe, as a parent, I convey my fears to my kids without even knowing it, without even intending to. I think many times my kids look to me to see what they should be afraid of and then act accordingly.  

When I was growing up, I was afraid of God…


1 Response to “Fears”

  1. 1 Shel
    April 4, 2008 at 9:29 pm

    Love this Kim, great writing….
    Your kids have great hope in God because of the transformation that He has done in you! Perfect love casted out fear…..You live out of that love!

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