19
May
08

Crossing My Jordan

 

 

This past weekend Jeff and I made a quick trip to Tuscaloosa for a high school graduation, and we were able to see a lot of our friends. This is the third time I’ve been back to Tuscaloosa since we moved to Nashville, but this time I finally accepted that we’re supposed to be where we are.  For me, the fog is finally beginning to lift, and I’m experiencing a peace within that I haven’t had for some time.

 

I’ve been wandering in the wilderness for a while, and wilderness living isn’t much fun. I can totally relate to the children of Israel. Even though Abba’s been providing the manna and the water, there’s been a lot of complaining and griping on my part. Just like them, I can see the hand of God all around me, but I’ve chosen to live for a while just focusing on the sand, the heat, and on myself.  

 

Growing up, I always heard the story of the children of Israel crossing the Red Sea, but I don’t remember much being said about them crossing the Jordan River…maybe crossing two rivers was just too much to emphasize, but our God is big, and one river was most certainly not enough. God brought the Israelites to the Jordan River during flood season when the Jordan was overflowing its banks. After He parted it for them to cross, God had one man from each of the twelve tribes pick up a rock from the middle of the Jordan to take to the other side as a memorial of what God had done for them. Ten months ago, I was supposed to pick up my rock as a memorial, but I kind of got stuck standing in the middle of my Jordan looking back, thinking at times that maybe I could make a dash for the side I had just left. I’ve been so wrapped up in looking back and longing for what I had that I haven’t been able to move forward, to embrace life where I am. I’ve been paralyzed and isolated and have felt quite sorry for myself. 

 

This weekend, a friend of mine gave me a word from Abba, and I am just grateful that He would speak to her on my behalf, because honestly, I’ve been a little hard of hearing lately. Those words spoke encouragement and hope to my soul. I had begun to doubt the things that Abba has done in and through me. Songs that we sang in church also spoke Abba’s love and power to me, and I’m grateful that He is Lord in this place…in Nashville, in my home, in my heart.

 

I still miss my friends terribly, and I always will, but it’s time…time for me to stop looking back with regrets and begin the process of moving forward, as painful and awkward as that is.  It’s time for me to enter the race again. I’ve been sidelining too long. I think I’m finally ready to embrace and receive what He has here.  Yeah, I’m a little nervous and anxious…stepping out is hard for me…but right now I’m fixing my eyes on Jesus and crossing my Jordan one step at a time with my rock lifted high toward heaven.

 

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7 Responses to “Crossing My Jordan”


  1. 1 LeeAnne
    May 19, 2008 at 2:54 pm

    I hear ya girl! Isn’t it so cool though how, even though we can’t possible take all of our girlfriends with us, we can always take our Father with us?! It’s ok to miss everyone, I still do too but it’s also such a blessing to enjoy the here & now, where God has placed us at this time in our lives! I pray you experience it real soon & can’t wait to hear all your praises in your present world. Love ya girl, LeeAnne

  2. 2 LeeAnne
    May 19, 2008 at 2:55 pm

    oops, of course “possible” means “possibly” …..just a sicklie trying to type again

  3. May 20, 2008 at 7:53 pm

    Great post – I have a very close friend who is getting ready to move in a few weeks. I’ll have to forward this onto her. Glad Nashville might be starting to feel a little like home!

  4. 4 Anna
    May 21, 2008 at 8:47 am

    Kim,
    I will always miss you, but I am very glad that you are going to take the steps to enbrace Nashville. People love you and its going to be just fine. Im really proud of you. I really understand living in the past, and its hard not to go there. Abba is also proud of you 🙂 I’ll call you soon 🙂

  5. 5 Julie
    May 22, 2008 at 12:12 pm

    Right there with you! YOU HAVE NO IDEA! I think I’ve already told you that we moved last summer from A’ville to Central and I began to question WHY!

    Around January, I also crossed my ‘Jordan’ and things have been a lot better for me personally than they have been since my questioning period!

    Yes, I dearly love the family & friends that I had in Abbeville, and I do miss them a lot, especially my church family, but God has renewed my spirit and reminded me that HE is in CONTROL. Slowly, I’ve made some new friends, who I feel like I’ve known almost all my life and they love me!

    Every now & then I get updates of things that have been happening in my former ‘home-town’ that saddens me, but at the same grateful to my heavenly Father that I am not there in the middle of it all!

    Home for me has definitely turned out to be, where the heart is. Like someone else mentioned above…Your Father is ALWAYS with you!j(you’ve got your on-line buddies, too!) 😉

  6. 6 Rachael
    May 24, 2008 at 10:46 am

    That’s beautiful Kim. It’s awesome to enter into peace and just trust God when things are so
    uncertain. We look forwrd to seeing you guys this week!

  7. 7 Nita
    August 7, 2008 at 9:06 am

    Kim, your transparency is lovely. Thank you for laying it all out there and being real. I have never had to physically move away from a town, but I have had to move away from a church family within this town. It was one of the most painful things I have ever faced. I too had those days of wanting to stay in bed until the hurt went away. I cried most of 1999 away. Terry and I sometimes refer to it as the Year From Hell. I am still amazed at the way God loved and carried me through that time. I think I learned more about myself, about Him, and about other people during that time than any other. As I look back I realize that it wasn’t really from hell, it just felt like it. There was really more going on from heaven.
    Isn’t it funny? I grieved that I HAD to go to Grace and you grieved that you HAD to leave. I can imagine our Father shaking His head and smiling over that one.
    May our Father continue to bring you hope and new joys day by day. Love you. Nita


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