18
Jun
08

Does God Really Like Me?

 

I’ve known for a few years that Abba loves me. I don’t even know when that truth finally sunk in with me, but it did, and I haven’t doubted it. But I’ve entered a new realm of questioning lately and that is whether or not Abba really likes me or just tolerates me because I happen to be His kid.

 

I grew up not really feeling accepted. I went to a Christian school where my dad was the principal, and my mom was the junior high English teacher…I don’t know if there are many people out there who just love their principal or their English teachers…no wonder I doubted whether or not people liked me. I’ve carried this feeling of not being very well liked since early elementary school, as so many kids do. But I always thought that people looked at me and saw my parents. I wanted to wear a big sign on my forehead that said, “I am not my parents!” Some friends of mine gave me a t-shirt when I was in 11th grade that said, “Objects underneath this shirt are larger than they appear.”  I was forbidden by my parents to wear that shirt. Of course, I ended up wearing it to a school activity. I desperately wanted to be liked and was willing to risk my parents’ disapproval in exchange for my friends’ approval. My parents were fuming, and I did get a few laughs…I also got grounded. But at the time, that was my way of proving that I was different from my parents.

 

Many people gravitate toward bubbly Type A personalities…I had a friend like that in high school, and she won every popular award. I always felt like she was the sweet, fun girl, and that I was the boring, awkward girl. My junior year in high school, she and I were both nominated to run against each other for homecoming queen. My boyfriend, at the time, nominated me.  My parents kept telling me how much of an honor it was to be in the court, in other words, “You’re not going to win.” I still couldn’t help but hope, and I was definitely disappointed when I didn’t get it, but I think by the time homecoming came around it had been drilled into my head that I was just lucky to be in the court.

 

I’ve come to realize in the last year or so that I am a home body. I love being at home puttering around and sitting in my yard. I tried to convince myself that I was this fun adventure girl, but I’m not. I like hanging out with adventurous people, but that makes me a joiner.  But I usually prefer being home with my family.  I was talking with a friend of mine the other day about all this, and she said, “It’s a personality thing.” And I think she’s right. For many years, I haven’t really liked the personality I’ve been given and have wasted time and energy wanting to be someone other than myself.

 

Our society shouts loudly that we’re supposed to be many things, which includes having a certain type of personality. But, are we all supposed to be the same or did Abba create us all differently for a reason? I happen to think He smiles at the diversity He created. And, for me, to wish I were someone else or to pretend to be something I’m not is just another form of self-pity and covetousness. When I’m not satisfied with the personality Abba has gifted me with, I am, in essence, looking at Abba’s creation that He pronounced “Very good” and saying to Him, “No thanks. I prefer to be that over there.”

 

So does my personality need to change? Nope, I don’t believe so.  I just need to accept the girl Abba is in the process of creating. Some days she’s a real mess and other days she’s fun to hang out with, but I’m learning no matter what day it is, Abba really likes her, and I should too.

 

 

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5 Responses to “Does God Really Like Me?”


  1. 1 LeeAnne
    June 18, 2008 at 4:12 pm

    It’s so funny how much we think alike, God knew we needed each other, for real! I just blogged yesterday something somewhat similar, not to steal you thunder, but it was me needing to accept me and my “scars” and realize the same thing you did….He does love us and if we could see ourselves through His eyes, WOW! No, I haven’t gotten to the WOW stage when I look into the mirror and might not but I’m closer than I used to be! My childhood make fun of thing was my “big eyes and no front teeth”, what a statement, huh? Maybe someday I’ll show you the picture! LY girl, isn’t this growing thing such a ride?!

  2. 2 elizabeth K
    June 22, 2008 at 8:13 pm

    Kim, you put thoughts into such great words! This has been on my heart recently also. We just recently studied through Song of Songs, looking at it in the view of Christ being the groom and us, the church, His bride. All of life is pictures and shadows of the Father’s love, I believe. The love of parent/ child or brother/sister or friend is easier to understand and believe . But a grooms loves his bride with passion and desire, as well as unconditional devotion. I always have heard God loves me. He proved it at Calvary. I guess I think He, kind of, has to love me. It is His duty! But the liking and being in love with passion and desire is much more than I can fathom. I believe it is true, but my heart has difficulty recieving it.
    I hope Jesus will break through our unbelief and reveal his true, unbelievable love to us! That is what our hearts long for.

    You are altogher beautiful, my darling, and there is no blemish in you.”SOS 4:7
    Jesus says this to us because of the beauty and work of HIs Spirit in us. “Just as Christ loved the church, and gave HImself up for her…that HE might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having NO spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and blameless.” Eph 5

  3. June 23, 2008 at 5:36 am

    I need the constant reminder so I just lipsticked on my bathroom mirror Psalm 45:11, The King is enthralled by your beauty.

  4. 4 Anna Glenn Vatakis
    June 26, 2008 at 6:19 pm

    Sounds like were A LOT alike!! 🙂 …. Remember I was the daughter of the secretary!

  5. July 14, 2008 at 9:56 pm

    I’ve just started reading your blog and I must confess the great relief it is. Much of my struggle with religion/christianity has been, and is, hypocrisy, pride, and judgment. Your blog is something of a relief I must say and I hope that you keep writing so honestly.


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