Please Notice Me


A few mornings ago, Julia went with me on my walk. She woke up early and asked to go. As we were walking out of the driveway, she said to me, “Mom, I bet the boys will wonder where I am.” She said it again a few minutes later. Now, some may view this as childish self-absorption, but I see it as what is in the heart of every little girl and also every grown up woman. It’s a heart that says, “Please, please notice me. Please tell me you miss me when I’m gone. Please tell me I’m important and beautiful and loved.” I don’t think this is a princess complex. I believe this is part of what it means to be a little girl, to be a woman. Ways of expressing it may become different as a little girl grows into womanhood, but it’s still the same heart.


I’m coming to realize that no one is ever going to be able to connect with me enough, father, husband or friends, and this doesn’t make me feel sorry for myself in a way that it once did. It makes me want to connect that much more with my Abba Father who cuts through the all the junk and knows all about me and likes me as I am. I just recently wrote the verse Psalm 45:11 on my bathroom mirror, The King is enthralled by your beauty.  I like that a lot. Abba also says, I have loved you with an everlasting love. That too is lipsticked on my mirror…pretty soon I’m not going to be able to see my own face in the mirror. But these verses are a constant reminder to me that He is the only One who can love me as I need, as I desire, as I long to be loved.


I think for so long I’ve placed unrealistic expectations on relationships that I should be enjoying, instead of trying to suck the life out of. I found a quote out of The Shack that says,  “When we (friends) see each other or are apart, there is expectancy of being together, of laughing and talking…But what happens if I change that ‘expectancy’ to an ‘expectation’—spoken or unspoken? Suddenly law has entered into our relationship. You are now expected to perform in a way that meets my expectations. Our living friendship rapidly deteriorates into a dead thing with rules and requirements. It is no longer about you and me, but about what friends are supposed to do, or the responsibilities of a good friend.” (205) When I was in college, Jeff would come to intramural soccer games where I was cheering and bring a book. This hurt my feelings because I think I expected him to watch me cheer and stand in awe of the woman he was going to marry…I was in essence saying, “Please notice me and validate me.” But when I embrace Christ in the way I’m supposed to, it lets everyone around me off the hook, and I can enjoy relationships as they’re meant to be enjoyed.


So, Julia’s brothers probably didn’t notice her absence, but she has an Abba who knows every hair on her head, knows all her thoughts, and enjoys her, even when no one else does. My job is to point her to the only One who can satisfy and love her as she needs to be loved. I hope she comes to realize she’s being “courted by her Creator.” When we girls accept the love our Abba has for us, we no longer have to go looking for love…we realize it’s already found us.




5 Responses to “Please Notice Me”

  1. 1 LeeAnne
    June 28, 2008 at 6:56 am

    that’s so right on Kim, been there more times than I’d like to admit….I’ve even heard myself say the words “it’s my turn now!” in the midst of every other family member “taking the stage”…wanting to be noticed I guess! The expectation thing: i needed that! Thanks.

  2. 2 Rachael
    June 28, 2008 at 10:47 pm

    Man. This is such a hard lesson to learn. I might find myself re-reading this over and over again! I think I need to be reminded of this daily. Thanks, Kim:)

  3. 3 Lillian
    July 1, 2008 at 10:14 am

    Wow. This reminds me so much of Stacy Eldredge’s book “Captivating” (the counterpart to “Wild at Heart”). In light of what we talked about at the other day, I think it’s so important to realize that no earthly man can ever love us the way our Creator does. And realizing that every sunrise, every child, and every bit of this creation is his love note to us is something that He is reminding me of every day. Julia is so lucky to have you…

  4. 4 noelle
    July 23, 2008 at 9:59 pm

    wow….. sigh…….

  5. 5 Anna
    July 26, 2008 at 10:25 pm

    i have tears in my eyes…. as i am reading this at 11:30pm. Im emotional and tired and not to mention prego. this is wonderful.

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