Hazy Days


Yesterday was one of those hot hazy days that is very typical for July in the south. I know if I’m sweating by 7 am, it’s going to be a hot one. As I was walking to the top of my hill that looks out to downtown Nashville, it was so hazy I couldn’t see any of the skyscrapers that I’m usually able to see quite clearly. I knew where the buildings were supposed to be, but as hard as I tried to see them, I couldn’t. At one point, I almost even doubted that they were there, but I kept looking hard, really trying to find them, and I think I saw the corner of one.


That would describe what my walk with Abba looked like yesterday. I couldn’t feel His presence like I could the day before. I couldn’t hear His voice quite as clearly. I was doubting in fact that He was even there, and even though I know He’s there just like I know those skyscrapers are, I was having a hard time believing. I was having a hard time believing that He could in fact handle my mess, so doubt and fear began to press in and overtake me.  


But He gave me a gift even in the middle of all my doubt, and I didn’t even realize it until now. As I was ending my walk yesterday, there was a red fox in the back part of my yard, close to the field. I was able to watch this fox for a minute or so until he realized I was there and ran away. Instead of laughing and realizing how amazing my Abba is and being grateful for the gift He had just given me and how He is there even when the doubts creep in, I walked inside my house and refused to surrender my whole self. I held onto part of myself, the part that’s just not so sure if rescue is possible, the part that wants to wallow in a former life. I once again became wrapped up in my victim status.  Abba wanted it; He asked for it; I just refused to give it to Him. I chose to hang on to it for a few hours…and what miserable hours those were.


But there is freedom and there is rescue, and it was offered to me once again.


Yesterday afternoon, as we were driving to Jeff’s parents, my family and I all saw the fox by the side of the road, same fox that I had seen earlier that morning. A few minutes later, I also saw an owl that was by the side of the road. He lifted up and looked at me. It was amazing, and this time I was grateful. I was grateful that when I miss it, He graciously brings me back to Himself. Abba was saying to me, “It’s all ok. It’s all right. I’m here, even when you don’t see Me very clearly. I never leave. I have never abandoned you, and I never will.”


This morning, as I was walking, the sky was still a little hazy, but I could at least partially see the buildings, not clearly, but I could see that they were still there. Spiritually, things are still hazy, and I’m still not seeing as clearly as I was a few days ago, but I believe that He’s here.  And I believe that He is Who He says He is. And I believe that He can handle my stuff.




1 Response to “Hazy Days”

  1. 1 Brian Bibler
    July 22, 2008 at 12:19 pm

    God gave me your name this afternoon…and here you are. 🙂

    He brought you to mind when I was reading Philippians 3:13-17 (MSG), “…I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.

    So let’s keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision—you’ll see it yet! Now that we’re on the right track, let’s stay on it.

    Stick with me, friends. Keep track of those you see running this same course, headed for this same goal.”

    The “haze” your experiencing is the result of an accumulation of “stuff” you’ve started collecting since I was there. If you don’t take it to the cross (as you’re confronted with it), it will eventually cause blindness…and confusion…and isolation…and eventually, spiritual death (Satan’s primary intent).

    Stay focused on the goal…where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus!

    I will pray specifically for you today, Kim.

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