Expectation Strikes Again

This morning, I woke up planning on getting a whole lot of stuff done. I even made out a list. But then, I got distracted. I then panicked, realizing that time was running out to send in a rebate for a cell phone I had purchased over a month ago.

It took me an hour on the computer to find the rebate form I was supposed to use, so I quickly became very frustrated. And then I had to print the form off, but our printer has not worked for over a year. It scans; it just won’t print. I hate technology. It makes me crazy…seriously. When I can’t get things to work, I lose it a little. And this morning was no exception. I was crying and carrying on in a real mature way and blaming my husband for not getting the printer to work. I sent him an angry email that didn’t make a whole lot of sense.

And then, I decided I needed to go to the school where Jeff works so that I could print off the rebate form myself, because I realized the rebate expires today. I had waited 45 days to deal with the rebate, and I was frustrated that I had procrastinated so long, but, really I was angry that Jeff hadn’t already taken care of it for me.

I went upstairs to get dressed, and there was more crying and more anger and more frustration with Jeff, not only over the rebate and printer now, but also over the other 80 things I was now thinking Jeff should have already done around the house. Once I start on the expectation odometer, it goes downhill from there, and that’s where I was. Then, because I had become irrational at this point, I started believing the lie that I had married the wrong man because he won’t do the things I think he needs to do.

I was crying out to Abba about how things are rarely taken care of for me, having a huge pity party, really. And then, I glanced down at my clock that sits on my dresser, and it was 9:18. This stopped me in my little tirade. These numbers are important to me because 9/18 is the day I was born, and Abba showed me a while back how much He loves me, how He knows me inside and out, and how this was the day He created for me to be born…before one of my days came to be (Psalm 139). And so whenever I see these numbers together, my heart softens, and I once again bask in His love for a few moments until my thoughts turn elsewhere.

But this morning, I not only felt His love, I also got a word. He said to me, “Jeff is not here to make you comfortable.” And He’s right. When I dwell on my imperfect world and expect my husband and children to meet my needs, I miss the fact that Jeff and my children are gifts.

The more I try to make Jeff fix my world for me, the more my expectations build and the more unbearable I become. Expectations just work like that. I start believing the lie, “I could be happy if only he would do this for me.” The problem is really with me and my never ending expectations that lead to anger and frustration that I allow to invade my spirit.

Beause, really, there is only One who can meet my needs in the way they need to be met. And, no, Jesus can’t come to my house and fix my printer, but He can instill a peace and rest within me that cannot come from a perfect husband or perfect children who meet all my demands.

So will my world remain imperfect? Yep, absolutely. Are there still things that need to be done around the house? Yep, and there always will be. But Abba is teaching me to wipe the slate clean for my husband and to breathe just a little bit deeper and a little bit longer…

Be still and know that I am God…


4 Responses to “Expectation Strikes Again”

  1. November 17, 2008 at 2:00 pm

    Great post. I will read your posts frequently. Added you to the RSS reader.

  2. 2 meesha
    November 17, 2008 at 3:47 pm

    you and i are so much alike it’s scary. i could have written this post myself, down to the blasted printer than won’t work! love you girl!

  3. 3 Laura
    November 17, 2008 at 9:15 pm

    I thought that Julia and Abby were 2 peas in a pod but I guess that the apples dont fall far from the tree. Thank youu for the reminder ( that I need almost daily ) not to place expectations on my husband and children . And I do need to be reminded that they are GIFTS .

  4. 4 Jan
    December 4, 2008 at 6:11 pm

    You are a gifted writer. I am thankful you are learning the lessons of misplaced expectations in your struggles. The result will be a giant step toward enriched wisdom with which to grace other women in your future. Wouldn’t it have been nice if someone would have taken us aside before marriage and hammered in the falacy of thinking a husband and kids are the source of meeting our needs and the foundation of our happiness? Would we have listened? 🙂 Our heavenly Father is longsuffering and good. I am thankful for your transparency and your obvious love of Abba.

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