On our end of the year field trip to an amusement park, I found myself on a roller coaster with one of the 4th grade students. This roller coaster was rickety and jerky as only old wooden roller coasters can be. But I was happy to see that not only did this roller coaster have the safety bar across our laps, it also had seatbelts. I felt safer. I think that’s the part about roller coasters that makes me nervous…that the bar just might come unlocked and my body sent flying through the air. I’m not so concerned about death, just the part before death where the intense pain might be.

My friend Shelly recently told me about an experience she and her brother had had on a roller coaster as children. As she was telling me this story, I felt the panic and horror rising in the pit of my stomach for them. Their safety bar didn’t lock, but before they could climb out or tell anyone, the roller coaster started. She and her brother madly scrambled for the floorboard and somehow managed to remain there until the ride reached its stopping point. They were ok, and to my surprise, she still rides roller coasters. I think my roller coaster riding days would be over after that. That would be the story that I would have shaped my entire life around…”let me tell you about the time I got on the roller coaster, and the bar didn’t lock…”

In my life, sometimes it feels like the safety bar doesn’t catch…that I’m going to be thrown out…flung beyond my capacity to trust. And sometimes I am.

Right now happens to be one of those times when I’m waffling back and forth between panic and trust. But I honestly think Jesus is ok with that. In the garden, right before Jesus died, He asked His Abba three times to have “this cup” of death taken from Him. But then, He turned around and completely submitted to His Father and released everything…even His own life. I’m glad Jesus showed us such a clear picture of His own struggling humanness. I think His prayer in the garden was for those of us who wrestle with being able to release everything, even down to our own illusions of safety.

That’s where I am today…praying for the willingness to be able to release everything…everything but Him…

Isaiah 41 says, “Don’t panic. I’m with you. There’s no need to fear for I’m your God…I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.”


3 Responses to “Safety?”

  1. 1 Teresa Glenn
    August 6, 2009 at 3:54 pm

    I have enjoyed reading your posts, Kim. Very thought provoking! and a real blessing. Maybe you should consider writing a devotional book? I would buy it:)!!

  2. August 20, 2009 at 9:25 pm

    I have been meaning to get over here and read this for several days now. It really hit home for me tonight. I needed this.

    Hang in there…

  3. 3 LeeAnne
    October 5, 2009 at 7:23 pm

    oh my goodness girl, I know right where you are in this one! I remember vividly, falling to my knees on my daughter’s bedroom floor and giving total surrender over to God where it came to our possibility of losing our house, I had to be willing! But the wonderful part of being on this side, one of many, we don’t have to lose our house, we just had to be willing! Whatever His will was we had to obey and surrender our earthly holds, to me and Scott, our house! Needless to say, all these months later, we still have our little piece of heaven – Nothing but a God thing!

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