It’s a God Thing

So, it’s my birthday today. But I’m not crying, even though it’s my last 30.  When you’re a teenager, you never think you’ll get to 35, much less 40. I remember celebrating my dad’s 40th birthday. He seemed to have it all together at that age. I’m just wondering when the “all-togetherness” starts! Last night, I was called an “older person” by a teenager…She was making fun of how we older people text. She thought she was being nice by using “older” instead of old.

I’m very thankful for my 39 years. When I turned 29, I was fearful and confused and a little panicked  because I felt like I hadn’t lived yet, even though I had a husband and 3 wonderful little boys.  I was on the verge of 30 and nearing the corner to “old age.” And God was definitely a part of my life at that time, but I didn’t really know Him and who He was, and not that I have it figured out now, but He’s shown Himself in ways that I cannot deny, and I could not remain in my fearful but numb state.

I know I’m becoming more comfortable with the girl God’s creating me to be. I’m not always cleaned up and pretty…I’m downright amess at times, but Abba has done a work in me.  And in His mercy, in His grace, in His kindness…He has shown me Himself, and I definitely want more.

He’s also teaching me who I am, where I’ve come from and where I’m going. Sara Groves has a song called “Just Showed Up For My Own Life.”

Spending my time sleep walking
Moving my mouth but not saying a thing
Hoping the changes would take by working their way from the outside in
I was in love with an idea
Preoccupied with how a life should appear
Spending my time at the surface repairing the holes in the shiny veneer

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I,m standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

I,m going to live my life inspired
Look for the holy in the common place
Open the windows and feel all that,s honest and real until I,m truly amazed
I,m going to feel all my emotions
I,m going to look you in the eyes
I,m going to listen and hear until it,s finally clear and it changes our lives

Oh the glory of God is man fully alive!

My life is a crazy roller coaster right now…as many people’s are, but I’m laughing, and it feels so good to laugh at my circumstances and at myself. It’s ALL good. I’ve come to realize that there is a much bigger purpose than me having a good life, living it securely and maintaining some kind of status quo. And I trust that Abba has me exactly where He wants me. Most days, I have no clue what that even means, but Abba has shown me again and again that I’m not just floating around somewhere, but that I am safe  in the palm of His hand, under the shadow of His wings.

Psalm 139

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
      you formed me in my mother’s womb.
   I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
      Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
      I worship in adoration—what a creation!
   You know me inside and out,
      you know every bone in my body;
   You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
      how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
   Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
      all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
   The days of my life all prepared
      before I’d even lived one day.

Happy Birthday to me…


3 Responses to “It’s a God Thing”

  1. 1 HJackson
    September 18, 2010 at 6:47 am

    “But because of his great love for us…made us alive with Christ…it is the gift of God” ~Ephesians 2~

  2. September 18, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    Though we don’t know each other, may I say Happy Birthday. Your reference to Sara Groves drew me to your blog and your reference to Psalm 139 reminded me of a song sung by a young lady I once knew. I met Sara Groves and the young lady at the same place, in prison, a long time ago. The young lady told me God could change my life, just a day after Mom Carter, Sara’s great-grandmother, told me God had a plan for my life. I’m glad God didn’t lay out the details of that plan that day. I never would have believed them, not in the state of mind I was in. Sara wasn’t even born the month I accepted Christ as my Saviour, in June of 1972. She would be born Sept. 10th of that year and brought into the prison on Christmas Eve, you see her whole family it seemed were in prison ministry.
    She wss sort of smuggled into the service in swaddling clothes and no one knew she was there until the last Silent Night was sung, when a cry was heard and 200 men received the same message as the shepherds did “For unto you a child is born…” Sara was sort of our “baby Jesus” that night. The young lady was in a way, Sara’s predecessor for singing in the prison, singing a scriptural song “Psalm 139” Sara, in years to come would sing there often as her grandparents were Christian volunteers there for 40 years. Both the young lady and Sara are still in my life some 38 years later. Sara, as she did last year, asked to call me during her O Holy Night Christmas Tour ‘live’ and tell the story I just told you, plus more about Christmas in prison. And the young lady, well, she has been my wife for the past 30 years and the mother of our 3 children, Ruth, Naomi and Brendan.

    • September 21, 2010 at 7:54 pm

      What an amazing story! Thank you so much for sharing!

      I too am glad Abba doesn’t tell us what’s up ahead…it would just be too much and probably make us more fearful. I’m glad He points us to Himself day by day.

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