15
Dec
10

Institutionally Dependent

I am guilty of relying on institutions to help me make and sustain relationships.

I know this because once the institution has been stripped away, in most cases, I rarely see or hear from those people again and vice versa.

So I have this feeling of “lostness” because not only have I now lost my institution, whether it be church or school or work, but now I’ve misplaced all my friendships related to that institution, and they’ve somehow replaced me as well.

So what do I do to make myself feel better? I try to find another institution, one that will give me structure and programs and ultimately friendships.  It seems like in most cases I can’t do it on my own…make friends, that is.  

I feel better about going to an institution and finding people who are similar to me and might be relatively on the same page than I do imposing myself upon my neighbor next door.

Yesterday, our neighbor’s alarm kept going off, and the police kept showing up. The police eventually knocked on our door and were surprised that we actually know our neighbors and do talk with them.  Not that we’ve had them over for dinner or anything. She gives my kids stuff and routinely gives us vegetables. And we exchange the friendly neighbor wave.

But I’d rather keep my house to myself and save dinners for my institutional friends.

But I have no more institutions left…(I know I’m really starting to sound like a hippie).

So what do I do about friends? How do I “do life” with the people around me?

Maybe I should start with the neighbors next door, and not just the ones I feel really comfortable with.

There’s that word again…comfort…I really don’t like being uncomfortable. And I really don’t like things being awkward.

Maybe my comfort+my fear=my selfishness. Ouch.

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