Living on a Prayer (the dark side)

I woke up several hours ago (that’s what I get for going to bed at 9:00), thinking and worrying about things I have no control over.

Some days, I just want to throw in the towel…it’s just too hard…too difficult to walk the path He’s called me to. I don’t want to live by prayer and faith. I want things to come easy. I don’t want everything to be a struggle all the time.

But instead of going to the One who can help me shed my worries and my fears, I try to procure my own peace by escaping.

The result?

It’s not pretty. And there’s no peace to be had. Just more uncertainty and yuck.

As I sit here with tears pouring down my face, I begin to cry out to my Abba. For He alone is the One I can run to.

And He draws my attention to the small blessings He’s given me in the last few days.

  • Red tulips (I saw three at the library, and I was mesmerized,  and it was like Abba said, “You like that? Just wait till you see the dozens at the soccer field.”)
  • Watching 2 of my boys playing soccer on the same team with their dad coaching
  • Crazy little kids that laugh loud and hard
  • Kids playing outside all day long with the neighbor kids
  • The date I will have with Jeff tomorrow (well, technically today)
  • Sunshine all throughout a day when it was supposed to be rainy and cloudy
  • Laundry blowing crazily in the wind
  • Yellow air soft BB’s that you can find in the nooks and crannies all over my house
  • Songs that make me cry
  • Watching Julia as she sword fights with our neighbor, because she’s his “apprentice”
  • Kids that go barefoot, now till Thanksgiving (and that’s probably an under-exaggeration)
  • Our small family garden that now has potatoes planted, given to us by our neighbors
  • Warmer days ahead
  • A friend understanding what we’re called to do and lending an encouraging word and help

Many, many more blessings…too many to count.

My “stuff” isn’t fixed. It’s still there. But somehow it seems smaller, less consuming than it did before.

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down {His peace}. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. (Philippians 4)


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